Life's bittersweet. One minute, you have the whole world in your hands, and the next you're on your knees begging for mercy. Yet, everything is fair. It's just. It's simple.
That sounds odd, doesn't it? Let's dissect it some, yeah?
God says clearly in the Bible how we can live a joyful life, and how we can end up in Heaven meandering the streets of gold, looking at the sights in awe. We just need to follow God; don't let go of Him.
A + B = C. Simple, right?
~~~~
I made the commitment three years ago, summer of 2012, to give my life to God. It was after ECKCM, a Korean SDA week-long gathering of all of the Korean SDA churches on the east coast. A special speaker preached and my heart was convicted.
The following school year was, admittedly, the most depressing year of my very short life. I just moved to a new school right before eighth grade, the year where everyone's picked their coterie of friends at the end of middle school, so I, unfortunately, had no one.
That's the year where my faith was tested, whether I could hold onto God despite the loneliness and distance I felt from God, or any spiritual connection. It was like I had a Sprint phone in the middle of the Pacific. Nothing.
I suffered from loneliness, isolation, and my emotions were swayed to and fro, desperately clinging onto anything that gave me a sense of happiness, even if it was for just a few moments.
But I just had to hold on, right? Just don't let go?
~~~
December 2013, I'm at a Bible study with people twice my age celebrating the merry holiday of Christmas through a thoughtful Secret Santa gift exchange (I bought my friend a pull-up bar for $20, it's still in usable condition - not bad, eh?). That was the day I started to latch onto a certain person and badger them about everything in my life.
The first few months, I annoyingly asked for rides from here to there, and she was passive-aggressively frustrated with me. That's fine, my persistent nature kept going at her.
The next few months, people started to notice and make jokes about us being in a relationship. I pondered at the thought of it, while she was scared for her life, pushing me away to the ends of the earth. No biggie, I'll just push through.
Several months go by and I'm still asking for rides, but these 10-minute rides turn into 3-hour talks about random things, like, how I'm struggling with a certain girl, or I'm wondering whether I should do this or that, and she makes the effort to be there for me. No judging. Just love.
For some reason, an annoying little boy asking repeatedly for rides turns into just hanging out with each other. Like friends. Best friends.
At one point, she told me that she was praying for an angel to come down and save her from her dark abyss, asking for a hand to grab her and pull her up. I came to her rescue, just on time. God's timing is perfect, is it not?
Because of my "modest" personality, I took small pride in being her angel, her comfort, her miracle. I was always entertained by the thought that I could be the shoulder she leaned on, and I would always be her firm pillar of hope and strength. I felt so big, so strong, so happy.
Recently, circumstances have made things complicated, and now I don't have that friendship at the moment, the intimate one-on-one. They say you never know what you have until you don't have it.
Boy, is that true...
You see, I wasn't the angel that came down and rescued her from her troubles and worries; I was the damsel in distress, the cat stuck in a tree, the bullied nerd, and she was the Superwoman that rescued me, the firefighter that helped me down, the teacher that beat up the mean bully for me.
She was my angel.
She was my angel.
~~~
God says to hold onto Him for a just a little bit longer, just long enough until He returns. Don't lose hope, don't let go, and don't give up. As I had held on until I couldn't anymore, God sent an angel to rescue me, and all of the sweetest words and most expensive jewelry can never pay either of them back. I can only do what I've been told to do: love. Love with as much love my heart can give.
There are people in our lives who we don't recognize, just how Balaam didn't realize that a donkey was talking and conversing with him, and they're there for our own good and our own health. Appreciate them, tell them that you love them. Let them know you're thinking about them, and express towards them the love that God showed and presented to the whole universe through His only begotten Son.
Be the love that God loves you with, and, for the love of God, don't let go of Him.
"For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." - Isaiah 41:13
Stay faithful, friend.
- Joseph
