For a while, I've really been into the whole Batman franchise; Batman, the Joker, Oswald Cobblepot, the different Boy Wonder Robins. So, it would be natural for me to get into the new FOX channel TV series, Gotham, which focuses on the origins of the iconic Batman villains and, most importantly, Commissioner James "Jim" Gordon before the "Commissioner".
There's a scene from one of the episodes when Detective Gordon, a righteous, by-the-book policeman, is working with the Penguin, a rising-up-the-ranks mobster named Oswald Cobblepot, and he realizes he doesn't want to get into corrupt business deals with Cobblepot anymore. He says, and I quote:
"You know, Jim, it's better to walk in the darkness with a friend than by yourself in the light."
How true is that? Not at all, of course, since we really don't walk alone in the light, even though it seems as if the world is against us.
I've written before about my chorus class, and how much drama is between each member. There are secrets about each other that would make Satan dance with glee. Today in chorus class, we decided to play a bonding game of "Never Have I Ever", and the premise of the game is that there is a circle of people with one less number of chairs than there are people. The odd man out is standing in the middle, and he/she states what they have never done, so for example, the person would say, "Never have I ever gone skydiving," and everyone who has gone skydiving would stand up and find a new seat, while the person who stated their "Never Have I Ever" would try to find an open seat. As a result, a new person states theirs.
It was my turn, and, because there were no adults or teachers, we decided to play the "What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas" version. I said something that I truly have not done, but it crossed lines. Yet, it was pressured on to me to say it, and I fell into that temptation. What made it worse is that there was one gal who, as I've known prior to this entire game, was a very devout Christian, a God-loving person. She hated sin as much as a human possibly can, and she gestured me towards her. Soft-spoken and gentle, she requested that things be kept more PG-13. I obliged, yet to no avail. No one really listened, nor did they care. I didn't stand up for her. I threw her under the bus, so to speak.
Throughout the rest of the class period, repeated debauchery and profanity were spat out as if throwing a bucket of staining paint onto a dry, pure canvas. I observed my classmate. She was very saddened; not angry, not depressed, not full of hatred. Sad. Disappointed. Hurt.
The Bible talks about us being like the church of Laodicea, how they're like lukewarm water. Neither hot nor cold, and they spit out that lukewarm water because it was disgusting. In other words, the church is neither fully in God, nor is it completely submerged in the world. Many times I find myself just like that: not completely obeying God, and not fully wicked and of the world. I should have stood for what's right. I should have been there for her. I should have been there for Him. Yet I failed Him, her, my classmates...
Guilt overcomes me. It kills me. It takes away my dignity, my self-respect, my willpower. I am conquered by conscience shaking its head at me.
Proverbs 24:16 says, "For though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes."
I feel like the wicked man. I am the wicked man. But the hope that is God's promise that I will continue striving to be the righteous man, rising and rising. I hope that when my faith is tested again, I can stand proudly in the light, with God to hold onto, and I can shine the light on the darkness for what it really is.
I hope that one day, I can stand up for her.
Stay faithful, friend.
- Joseph
